CaptainShawn on DeviantArthttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/https://www.deviantart.com/captainshawn/art/April-Id-2015-526327650CaptainShawn

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April Id - 2015

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These started as sketches lol. Still not as fine tuned as a normal picture, but still. Also late this time, oops!

Feel free to ignore the below wall of text lol, just some personal reflections that inspired this picture.~

    So the quote picked for this one was just a random quote I found on the internet, but it was picked for a reflection on the March. March was a rollercoaster of emotion really, and it's hard to believe that everything that happened did in the short time of a month. I got to see my dad for the first time in about six months, and my grandma who I haven't seen in a longer time, and that was really nice. Despite all the worries I've had up to this point, I was surprised when he said I looked happier than he's seen me in a while. I defiantly felt happier, but I didn't think it had been projecting itself so intensely. It's made my move out of the house, something that I have felt like might've been a mistake, feel more worth it. Ever since I moved out I have had the growing feeling of 'shouldn't have done that' because it's just been bleeding me of my savings since it's taken me so long to find a job (still have no good idea as to why). It's something that I will not be able to judge until years from now when I have hindsight to see much more clearly than I do now. I do know for certain though, that my mood truely has been better overall, and I do feel better for it. And though it would hurt my pride to do so, it's extremely relieving to hear my dad say I will always have a place to stay. Which is something that I must say I'm eternally grateful for, while there are some intense family issues, it's nothing I can't handle, and in the end we're always there for each other. My older brother I know would help me in dire times, and I would hope to be able to do the same for him. And that's another thing that this past month has very handily reminded me. That I am surrounded by people who care for me as I care for them. When I had a rather heart-wrenching day I awoke the next day to a group of my friends writing "You're the best Shawn" on my facebook wall. It was a small but heart-warming thing, and a handy reminder of the good friends I have. It was also humbling however, as I defiantly felt like I had an over-reaction (which I probably did haha) and reminder that I need to open up more when things bother me. 

     Not opening up is simply a personality flaw however, and that's something that had me worried ontop of the seemingly futile job-search was the fear of my personality. The worry that this whole escapade would leave me bitter and cruel, that I'd have to move back in with one of my parents with nothing to show for it. The worry that I would be worse for this, but not the worry of changing. I hope to change over the years honestly, for every year I try to improve and move forward. Though I can't say I'd hate to stay the same person forever, I naturally want to improve and be a better person. While I hope to keep myself kind, I hope to lose my negative qualities such as my lack of confidence. I do try to stay humble but in the past I let that make it impossible for me to take a compliment, while it's still difficult for me take them I can take a compliment now, and that's an example of what I'm getting at here. Change is inevitable after all, so I simply hope for it to be good change, and with a job hopefully locked in (they've been having paperwork issues, so i haven't worked yet, eeep) I hope to only get better. It's also been a lesson however in moving forward, as I do feel I've been too worried about these past couple of months, and ones ahead. I have my plans stepping forward, but I should not linger on even a bad yesterday, for there is nothing else that can be done for it, simply mend what can be mended and move on. I suppose that's why I try to be as supportive as I can, because moving on from a bad day can be difficult, and I know every act of kindness helps. I do worry that it's annoying/weird at times however, hopefully it isn't! At the end of the day I hope the small things like a sunny day, or the smell of nature will always put a smile on my face. 

So that was a short essay, haha. Hope I didn't bore anyone's faces off : P
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